Another column, another day. Today a woman wrote to ask whether her mom, is a bully or not. The mummy is always making disparaging comments about others, calling them stupid or dumb. The daughter claims this woman doesn't know as much about certain subjects herself, yet she openly exclaims as to the stupidity of others. Now the columnist agreed with the daughter, this woman is a bully. I do not.
What I would say:: No, your mother is not a bully, it doesn't even fit the description correctly. Your mother seems to suffer from lack of self-esteem. When she calls someone stupid, it immediately calms her, makes her feel better about herself. She might even live in fear of being called out herself, called dumb, stupid, or worse. In order to stop people from "getting" her first she "attacks" them and lowers them in the eyes of whoever is with her. This she thinks will sabotage any ideas of her stupidity forming in the minds of her friends/family.
I suppose my advice would be, talk to your mother, in private. Tell her that her behavior creates a bad image in front of her grandchildren (the story stated that her granddaughter wondered why Grandma was always so "mean"). Tell her also what her granddaughter said. Hopefully, Grandma will realize that if a ten year old thinks she is a "mean" lady, she might want to be perceived as something kinder If that doesn't work, the direct approach can be used to shock and stun. Tell your mother, "Ma, stop taking out your feelings of insecurity on people you barely know". You'll get a fight from her, duh. But every time she does it, condition her. Stop talking to her for five minutes (tell her what you're doing) . I know, I know, she is not a dog, but it may be one workable method of getting her to stop. You can choose to walk away from the conversations if her behavior does not better itself, but that might open up a can of anger on her part. Try some of these steps, see what you think.
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